The Waking Dead

I recently had an out-of-mind experience.

“And how does this differ from any other day?” you inevitably ask.

Well, I’ll tell you how, cankle-bandits, knock off the pumpernickel.

First of all, it’s key to note that, thanks to the Skeptics Guide to the Universe, that I knew what was happening during this entire experience. Thankfully. Or else I might have jumped to some very horrifyingly bad conclusions.

“Exit light, enter night.”

It comes without much ado that, I’ve been sidetracked and heavily burdened by work recently. As such, it’s mildly difficult, nay, impossible to shut my brain down.* Regardless, I must sleep, no matter how disturbed.

“Take my hand, off to never never land.”

I’d like to say I drifted off with no incident. So I will. Truth, it is not. At least, it wasn’t after about a half hour.

“Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight, and they aren’t of Snow White.”

I woke up to a dark world. Still my own bedroom, yet darkened. As if it were composed solely of shadows. The shadows pulsed.

Rumbling began distantly, and came closer, and closer, and closer, building to a deafening roar, as if something were closing in on my location.

To get a better idea of what was happening, I sat up and looked about, and realized that I was indeed looking at myself. Still asleep.

It was at this moment I realized that, I was experiencing what I understood was known as a waking dream: a state of sleep where the body has entered the sleep state, that is, sleep paralysis but the mind has not. I realized this mid-dream, and was fully aware that I was still asleep, and experiencing this bizarre, and quite honestly, super-unpleasant phenomenon.

I attempted to move myself; shaking my own head and body in an effort to try to wake my still asleep shell, as the noise moved ever closer, continuing to increase in volume, and the shadows pulsed ever-menacingly in time with the sound.

Sadly, it didn’t work.

“Hush little baby, don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beast under your bed, in the closet, in your head.”

I didn’t truly wake until I was thoroughly weirded out, and thoroughly completed one of the more unpleasant experiences of my novel life.

As I mentioned earlier, thankfully I knew beforehand what it was, and that, as horrifying as it was, that it was nothing more than some unsupervised neuron pyrotechnics.

That being said, I understand that these phenomenon are often utilized as “evidence” that ghosts, angels and whatnot exist. And I can admit, without prior knowledge, I could have been persuaded to believe that as well. The out-of-body feeling, the noises and the surroundings, all felt much like a stereotypical haunted house.

I almost believed it.

For 325 milliseconds.**

Science. It works, bitches.

  • This disregards my self-awarded Masters in Pharmacology, of course.

** For a skeptic, that is an eternity (apologies to Data).

With apologies (and credits) to Metallica.