Not Completely Without Merit

In the spirit of the Order of the *Science Scouts *of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique, I propose that we redefine success through merit badges. Because, who doesn’t want an embroidered patch that while saying, “I’m better than you,” also details it in high fashion?

I’ll begin with a few of my own thoughts:

The “An Apostrophe does not a Plural Make!” badge: Combine with the “I know the difference between ‘affect’ and ‘effect'” badge, and the “I Only Misspell to be Ironic” badge for the “Grammar Nazi I” badge.

The “I Can Write Python and I’m not Afraid to Use it” badge: Sure, Python is simple, and sure it can be powerful, but, it can’t solve all your problems.

The “Virtual Van Halen” Badge: You’ve at least spent one 8+ hour session “on stage” with either Rock Band or Guitar Hero. Because your ability to play either a plastic toy guitar, or a poor rendition of a 1980’s drum kit, is what makes you confident in your sexual prospects.

The “Yeah, I Drank That” badge: From Ethanol to Kerosene, you’ve killed a few brain cells. But, really, you were just weeding out the stragglers.

What badges have you all ever wanted?